Sweet Rivals, Love You, Miss You
Chapter 1
Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!
A little white stick never seemed so threatening.
A ‘plus’ meant positive, but Lexi didn’t feel positive. Her plan to ring and admit to Noah that – despite recent events in her life – she felt a connection to him, had come to a dangerous halt. It had been a curvy road – their relationship – with more twists and turns than smooth stretches, but it all felt worth it when she fell into his eyes. This little white future-ruining stick was like a bulky road-block. Their dead-end.
Lexi sat on the toilet floor of her parent’s house where she’d been staying for the week, gripping the stick and staring blankly at the ceiling light. It flickered eight times while she stared; she’d counted. Her mind was busy searching, thinking of life before this news – a life that was so close but felt so far. Because of Lexi’s promotion, she hadn’t had much time for the physical side of things with Scott, who had been her boyfriend until he cheated on her with the intern Mindy.
Bloody Mindy!
Lexi tried to slip into bed with Scott at least once a week to keep their spark alight while she was stuck working such haphazard hours, but she’d missed a few weeks. The last time they’d gone all the way couldn’t have been more than a month before. She’d been careful, had never missed a pill. Crap! Except she had… She’d been rushing around after an important article a few weeks ago. It had led to her promotion and sent her toward Noah Snipe for her greatest story yet. She had slept with Scott that night, coming home from work exhausted, completely forgetting she had missed the pill. Or had it simply not worked? No. She was sure she must have forgotten. She rarely forgot, though. The situation dissipated with the fog of her brain, and she couldn’t quite remember how she’d landed herself here.
Anger erupted, and it wanted to spew all over Scott. Of course, he wasn’t around to suffer it, so Lexi soaked it in herself.
How could I be so careless? How could this have happened? She wanted to scream. Her life had been filled with moments like these, where screaming, yelling, or hitting something was all she felt she could do, but she was different now. She had grown, and learned, and matured, and she didn’t want to become that person again. She sucked in a breath and held in her sobs.
So much had been left unsaid between Lexi and Scott – mostly curse words and ill-advised suggestions on where he could shove it. However, enough had been said that Lexi – though regrettably – had been able to end things. She deserved better than the person he wound up being, or at least posed as. The big blue ‘positive’ symbol staring her in the face told her the closure she’d gained was now null and void.
Lexi felt her chest cramping with rage, thinking about Scott’s face on the front page of the newspaper with Mindy, who wasn’t even that cute.
Urgh. Of course she is. She’s the cutest… How could she have been so blind?
Lexi remembered the way Mindy had been eyeing Scott from the day he’d been asked to work alongside the magazine. Those hungry eyes never disappeared, not even after Lexi had introduced Scott as her boyfriend. While Lexi helped Scott prepare for a photoshoot related to an article Lexi had been editing, Mindy was asked to do her job – which as far as Lexi was concerned, was to fetch things. The witch hadn’t even tried to be discreet.
Lexi had trusted Scott – and had far too many work commitments piling up – she hadn’t stepped in. How stupid she had been.
Jerk! Jerk! Jerk!
Nothing about this situation was ideal.
Did she even have to tell Scott?
Lexi wouldn’t have been so terrified of her life’s looming outcome if Scott hadn’t been unfaithful. They were twenty-seven, and financially stable, peaking in their careers, but what kind of father could he be if he had so little regard for others? What kind of image would he be setting for a son, who might grow to depict the same values? What kind of messages would he be sending a daughter if he couldn’t respect a mother? Rekindling the relationship was not an option. With the way things sat, this child might not have to see their father if he was going to be such a negative influence. But how could Lexi know that? How could Lexi not give her child’s father a chance to be what the universe had given him the opportunity to be? Scott had shown no long-term dedication or care for Lexi’s wellbeing. He’d openly announced on multiple occasions that he wanted nothing to do with kids, possibly ever.
Maybe it was best not to tell him.
But those who were in her life, they had to know.
Not only was Lexi going to have to process this unplanned portion of her life, she would also have to tell her parents. But not now. She knew her parents would be devastated. Not that she’d be having a baby, but because she’d be carrying that load alone, just as her life was headed in the right direction. They’d be so worried. She needed time to think.
What about Nancy?
Lexi imagined her boss’s stern grimace. She knew there’d be a lecture – maybe some forced leave or a demotion – if Nancy knew she’d gone and ruined her ‘work needs to be a priority or don’t bother working here’ policy.
What about Noah? To tell Noah would be to crush what little progress they’d made together. It would slice a bloody gash right through their budding relationship. Lexi’s heart sank as she thought about him, about his thumping heart that always beat so loud, the vivid green of his eyes, his warm temperament and kind face. Last night had been their first not-a-date-date, but even with the restrictions they’d given themselves, it had felt like so much more.
Lexi’s chest ached as she thought about his dazzling smile. Her head swelled with the pressure of this decision; of this situation she’d be dealing with for years to come. All she wanted to do was fall into Noah’s arms and cry.
She’d been surprised by how mature he had become. Such a kind, compassionate, good-looking man. She had spent a good chunk of her after-school life missing Noah subconsciously. Now she felt as if she was about to miss him all over again.
There can’t be consequences to the problem if the problem is a baby and I don’t have a baby, her brain offered.
The thought veiled Lexi’s mind. She touched her belly, as if afraid of letting her unborn child hear her thoughts. A dark cloud swallowed every optimistic idea in its path. She was in a great place, career-wise. She was young, had more to do before settling down, especially if that meant settling down to raise a child alone. Her apartment was small. Her time was scarce. Everybody she shared this news with would be stuck in her mess.
Lexi thought of the only person she could vent to – she could share it with – knowing there’d be no judgment or guilt. Someone who’d always been around to deal with her problems, and whose problems Lexi had dealt with in return. She told her parents she’d like to catch up with Emma before returning to work in New York and bid them goodbye until her next visit.
“I don’t know what to do, Em.”
“This is huge! This is crazy! This is—” Catching Lexi’s horrified eyes, her closest friend Emma took a breath and calmed down. “Not that big a deal, really.”
“You’re right, though,” Lexi groaned. “This is huge. This thing is going to sabotage everything. I can’t have a baby!”
Emma took Lexi’s hands in her own and gave a sincere frown. There was something wise in her eyes, that specific spark of a best friend who wanted to help and somehow always knew how to. “Before we drown the ‘thing’ in negativity and set its future in stone, let’s think about this, ok?”
Lexi huffed until she could breathe properly. “Ok.”
“You’re headed home tomorrow, back to the city, correct?”
“Correct.”
“Hand your assignment in and take the rest of the day off. Take the weekend to think.”
“What is there to think about?”
“Don’t panic, Lex, ok? I know this is a lot. Wow… Like, I can’t imagine what you’re feeling or how you’re coping, but really, in the greater scheme of things, is it so bad?”
“Yes, Em! My whole life – which is going great in every aspect right now – is going to be put on hold. Some people never get it back!”
“You’re not some people. You’re you. You are a hard worker with a good heart. You have room for work, life, and a baby in your heart if that’s what you want. You would have help, and an endless supply of babysitters – though I’d better be your go-to – and there would be no shortage of advice.”
“What’s step two?” Lexi cried.
“I am just a call away, and you can come to me any time.”
“What’s step two, Em?”
“Step two is to figure out the rest.”
Lexi gulped. “Step two is so much bigger than step one.
“Wait till you get to step three,” Emma tried to joke.
Lexi’s terrified clasp of her hands suffocated Emma’s intended chuckle. “What’s step three?”
Emma grimaced.
“Just tell me!”
“Step three is implementing the decisions you make in step two.”
Lexi dove into the couch cushions and gave a muffled groan. “I am so screwed.”
“No, you’re a mother-to-be.”
“Same thing.”
“No, Lex. It’s a beautiful thing.”
“I’ll let you know when we’re on the same page about that.”
Before she could even think about step two, Lexi headed back to her apartment in New York for the weekend. All she knew was that she was keeping the baby and needed to confirm with a doctor. She wasn’t sure whether it was the idea of some alien creature growing in her stomach or good old morning sickness, but the thought had her hurling all over her bathroom as soon as she burst through the door. At least her ‘I don’t feel well, so I’m just handing the story in and heading home’ excuse had been believable at work.
“You look like you’re about a minute away from chucking up your guts,” her boss, Nancy, had said, spraying the USB with Noah’s story on it with sanitizer. “Get out, go home.
And she had.
